The Toddler Ten Commandments

Via Marvelous Kiddo


The Toddler Ten Commandments

1.Keep your eye on long-term goals.
Toddler “behaviors” will fade; what will remain is how your child feels about himself and his relationship with you, which is based on how you react to those “behaviors.”

2.Take the child’s perspective.
Sure it’s hard to be a parent, but it can be a lot harder to be a kid. We don’t mean to make children feel foolish or unsupported, but that’s just what happens when we trivialize their fears or tears by saying “shhh, you’re ok,” or “don’t be so upset,” etc.

3. Let your child make his own decisions.
Our default position ought to be to let kids make decisions about matters that concern them except when there is a compelling reason for us to override that right. We should be prepared to justify why, in each case, kids shouldn’t be allowed to choose. The way kids learn to make good decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions.

4.Reconsider your requests.
Perhaps when your child doesn’t do what you’re demanding, the problem isn’t with the child but with what it is you’re demanding. I’ll give you a fluff example: Kieran (my son) and I were doing a craft last week. I kept suggesting that he cut the pictures, not the paper that he would eventually glue the pictures onto. He kept ignoring me. I realized that I was trying to impose my own vision of his artwork onto what he was doing – so what if he wanted to cut what I thought was the “wrong” thing! This same lesson can hold true in a number of different situations. As long as a child’s safety isn’t at risk, why not stop to reconsider whether you are imposing your own views and experiences onto them.

5.Remember SALVE:
(S) Separate yourself and your emotions from your child’s behavior to be sure you’re TRULY about to respond to your child, and not as a result of baggage from your own life/childhood. (If it helps, run through any angry words in your mind, then get rid of them before speaking gently to your child.)
(A) give your child full, honest Attention;
(L) fully Listen, be present for your child;
(V) Validate your child’s feelings without adding your own (“I see you want ___,” “you were disappointed because ____”);
(E) Empower your child to solve the upset herself. Believe in her; don’t rush to “fix” her.

6. Don’t say “no” unnecessarily.
“Yes” should be our default response, such that you need a good reason not to go along with what’s being proposed, or to step in and forbid something.

7. Change the way you see behavior.
Try to see behavior as “teachable moments” rather than infractions that call for “consequences.” Don’t take behavior personally! A toddler isn’t trying to hurt or inconvenience you or “misbehave.”

8. Respect your child.
We can’t always assume that because we’re more mature, we necessarily have more insight into our children than they have into themselves.

9. Keep her/his age in mind.

10. Stop saying “good job.”
Break the habit of saying “good job/sharing!” or “you’re such a great helper!” or “I like the way you . . .” Instead, try:
describing, rather than evaluating (“there’s something new on the people you drew, there are toes”);
explaining the effects of the child’s action on other people (“you set the table, that makes things a lot easier on me while I’m cooking”);
asking, rather than judging (why did you decide to give some of your brownie to Michael when you didn’t have to?”).

11. Give her undivided attention.
Don’t just occupy the same space, interact. It’s easy to feel distracted by emails or bills, and it’s fine to multi-task sometimes, but make sure your child gets a good portion of your total attention so they know how very important they are to you. Give them affection without limit, without reservations, and without excuse. Pay as much attention to them as you can, regardless of mood or circumstance. Let them know you’re delighted to be with them, that you care about them no matter what happens. This basic posture is completely different from praise, which is doled out as a response to something a child does.

12. Talk less, ask more, and wait.
Step back and let your child figure things out. Wait for him to ask you for help. He may not. He may figure it out alone or he may do something else entirely, and that’s o.k.

13.Talk about appropriate behaviors.
Try “please use gentle touches” instead of “stop hitting.”

14. Enjoy the journey – they grow up too fast. Don’t be in such a hurry!

Ziua baietilor

Pentru ca nu ma mai tineau balalmalele dupa o noapte dormita pe-un sfert si aveam o programare la doctor tati a dus gaza la gradi azi in avant premiere. S-au descurcat. La fel s-a descurcat si bunicul care a mers sa-l scoata de la gradi. Nu stiu daca nu a fost copilu dezamagit ca nu l-am asteptat eu pe scarile gradinitei. Cert e ca de cum m-a zarit la geam a inceput sa alerge si sa faca cu mana. La fel si eu, de aici calitatea proasta a imaginii....

Normal ca m-am napustit pe scari sa recuperez gaza care mi-a lipsit azi mai mult ca oricand.

Trio carnaval

In sfarsit o fotografie cu noi trei impreuna.... aproape toti trei :-)

B., le sous-chef

Dupa somnul de pranz gaza a venit cu propunerea (m-a vazut pe mine punand oale si tigai la loc in dulap si stie ca tigaia mica e pt clatite) sa facem pan cakes. Buuuuuuuuna ideeee!

Asa petrecem timp de calitate impreuna in bucatarie pana vine tati acasa. Pregatit ingredientele si trecut la treaba:

Dupa cum vedeti galbenusul se freaca separat cu zaharul.

Uite-asa!

In timp ce eu invarteam la pan cakes le sous-chef a devenit baiat la vase

Verificam temperatura apei

Stoarcem bine buretele la final.

Am ajuns spre final sa facem si activitati Montessori. Spouning cu o lingura. Spunea despre bratul lui si lingura ca sunt macara.

Harnicutul lu` mamica!

Next level spooning: polonicul.

It`s a deal!

Luni am revenit la gradi. In forma si foarte curiosi sa culegem impresii despre costumul si machiajul gazei. In rolul principal: dinozaurul! A plecat de acasa machiat (o pasta verde pe fata) acolo a imbracat costumul si a intrat detasat in clasa. Si-a depus suzeta in sertarul personal si s-a dus tinta la educatoare. Copiii s-au strans in jurul lui si au inceput sa-l tot intoarca sa-l vada mai bine. Yvette a adus camera foto si le-a facut poze de grup ultimilor 5 costumati. Spiderman, un pirat, o printesa, unceva acolo de nerecunoscut pentru mine si dinozaurul. Azi am vazut pozele, vor merge la dosarul lui. Cea solo e f dulce: un dinozaur putin timid dar si mandru cu pieptul in afara dar care se tine cu ambele maini de marginea capei lui de dino. La pranz l-am luat acasa, a mancat destul de bine si am trecut la somn. Cu intreaga echipa de prieteni: Winnie, Happy Hipo, Iepure si Oaia. I-am acoperit si pe ei cu plapuma si l-am intrebat pe gaza daca putem in sfarsit inchide ochii: s-a ridicat in patru labe in pat si a batut palma cu mine (aveam palma deschisa si bratul intins pe perina) "Abgemacht!" Am ramas paf. A batut palma cu mine, a "incheiat" primul lui deal! A fost de acord cu mine baietelul care il are pe NU in brate (sau in carca) de foarte multa vreme si parea sa nu-l mai lase-WOW! Expresia trebuie sa fie de la gradi ori de la copiii mai mari ori poate chiar educatoarea incearca deal-uri cu astia mici...
Inainte de asta cat astepta cuminte in scaun sa ii aduc pranzul din bucatarie a inceput sa lalaie cu o linie muzicala cat de cat recognoscibila prima strofa din "bate vantu` frunzele". In romaneste-wow again! Pentru muzicalitate, stiam ca stie versurile.
Seara la baie ne-a lalait mie si lui tati ceva despre fular si caciula care tin de cald urechilor si m-a intrebat dupa cele doua versuri -"cum e mai departe?"
Sorry, nu stiu! E un cantecel de la gradi despre hainele ce le poarta iarna. O sa cer textul poate lucram la el daca il intereseaza asa mult
Tot seara inainte cu culcare, impresionat de Winnie si ai lui friends care il cauta pe Cristopher Robin pret de un DVD mi-a explicat: "B. war ein Dinosaurier kein Skulosaur, den gibts nur bei Winnie!" (Eu am fost un dinozaur nu un skulozaur, asta-i la Winnie doar!)
Azi e martea highlight a carnavalului si au copt "fastnachtküchle" un fel de gogosi ce se fac traditional in acesta zi. Au fost servitii parintii cand au mers sa isi recupereze odraslele si in fata portii de la gradi am vazut cum prescolarii se intorceau de la primarie unde au dus o portie mare de gogosi celor de acolo.
Maine e miercuri si daca ne va permite sanatatea mergem la gimnastica. Eu abia am voce si zilele astea am cam renuntat (constransa evident) sa il toc la cap pe gaza cel mic cu una sau alta. Pur si simplu ma parasea "coloana sonora" a persoanei care sunt.

Valentine

Ca in fiecare week end tati doarme ceva mai mult iar cei ce se trezesc cu noaptea-n cap, adica eu si gaza, avem impresia ca a trecut juma de zi pana ne reunim.
Intai a intrat tati la dus apoi am intrat eu in baie. Tati disparuse....
Gaza s-a prins ca sunt la baie si da sa intre dupa mine. Pe hol se intalneste cu tati care venea de afara cu florile.
-Papa! Blumen gebracht, gebracht! Blumen!
-Pst!pst! tati nu stia ca sunt la un pas, in baie si merge in living.
-Papa Blumen gebracht! imi dezvaluie gaza care tocmai intra in baie. Eu zambesc. Gaza fuge in living.
-Da, da! Die Blumen!
Tati putin dezamagit ma astepta cu ele si "admonesta" baiatul ca a dezvalui surpriza.
La anul probabil vor complota impreuna.
Ne-am baut cafeaua si respectiv ceaiul si am iesit afara la zapada.

Leapsa

De la Carmen:

1.Cât din viața personală expui scriind un blog?
Aici pe blog expun doar ce se refera strict la gaza, ii e dedicat si e oarescum anonim.

2.Cu ce îți dăunează blogul?
Sper ca deloc, sper.

3.Cu ce te ajută blogul?
Blogul a aparat ca o reactie la webshots unde nu puteam sa pun decat poze desi imi doream sa scriu ceva mai mult despre sau in jurul lor.
E pentru cei de acasa, bunicii, matusile gazei, pentru prieteni daca vor sa afle ce mai facem eu si gaza. Mi-a "facut cunostiinta" cu multe persoane interesante, in marea majoritate mamici ca si mine.

4.Ce reacții permiți?
Comentariile sunt la liber, inca nu am cenzurat nimic. Dar nici nu am avut motiv pana acum.